


Bad Bromance

by kirani



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Bromance, Bromance to Romance, Friends to Lovers, M/M, NHL Trade(s), Pining, Roommates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-04-24 17:49:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19178341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kirani/pseuds/kirani
Summary: Lenny had posted the photo on Instagram with the caption, "Find someone who looks at you the way Swoops looks at Parser #bromance". And really, who were they to correct him?





	Bad Bromance

**Author's Note:**

  * For [madameofmusic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/madameofmusic/gifts).



> i love a good fake dating au, and this one was so much fun to write! giftee, i hope you enjoy it!  
> ETA: thank you to bigspicysenpai for the beta!

It had started as a joke, back in the Q. 

Kent was the smallest guy on the team by a long shot and so he took to sitting on his teammates when there was no space. Or just because it was funny.

When he and Jack had started hooking up, he pretty much always sat on Jack. 

The rumors weren’t helped by the habit, though, and after the draft, they followed him to Vegas. So he leaned into the joke and started sitting on his teammates again, being sure not to show a preference for any of them.

The rumors fizzled out as he made headlines with his playing instead, then with being named Captain. 

It wasn’t a problem for years and he only sat on laps occasionally anymore. 

But then Jeff Troy got traded to the Aces.

~ 

Troy was a trade from the Sharks and he had the sort of swoopy hair that immediately set off Kent’s bi-fi. 

After he introduced himself to the team, straight off a plane and looking haggard, Kent threw his arm around his shoulders and declared him “Swoops”.

“Because that is the swoopiest Cali-boy hair I’ve ever seen,” he explained. 

(Really, it was so he had an excuse to touch his hair. It looked really soft.)

“You’re staying with me, Swoops.”

Troy seemed amenable enough so Kent grabbed his carry on and swept them from the locker room. 

He had been meant to pick Troy up from the airport as part of his duties as captain, but the only flight management had been able to get him on landed halfway through practice, so he had to put up with a cab and meeting his new team at the rink. 

Kent threw his gear bag and Troy’s carry on in the backseat of his car as Troy deposited his own gear and climbed into the front seat. 

“You eat?” Kent asked as he threw the car into gear. 

Troy shook his head. “Haven’t been able to.”

Kent nodded. He’d never been traded, never even been sent down, but he’d seen his fair share of mid-season trades show up on his team and he knew it was a whiplash of an experience. 

The trade had only been announced yesterday so he would have had only a night to pack his things and board a plane to go live with a stranger. 

“You need waffles,” Kent decided, turning suddenly.

“Shit!” Troy yelled, grabbing at the door. 

Kent grinned at him as he darted through traffic and soon pulled into his favorite diner. 

“This’ll do you good, promise.”

The diner was far enough from the tourist traps that it was almost homey. The hostesses knew his name and he had a “regular” order.

Troy sat and quietly read the menu. 

Kent grinned up at the waitress, Jenny, one of his favorites, and ordered them each an order of waffles with bacon, eggs, and coffee. 

“I was gonna—“ Troy began. 

“I told you, you need waffles,” Kent said, cutting him off. “These waffles’ll change your life, man.”

Troy stared at him for a moment then burst out laughing. 

Kent grinned with him, glad to see the man finally smile, but as the laughter went on, Kent’s face fell. 

“You okay, man?”

Troy pulled himself more or less together, wiping a tear from his eye, his mouth spread wide and laughter still bubbling up. 

“I’m sorry, you’re just so…  _ earnest _ .”

Kent shrugged as he felt his face heat. “They’re good waffles.”

“Dude, in the last 24 hours, I uprooted my entire life. I think my life has had enough changes.”

Kent smiled. “Then maybe they’ll help convince you that it was for the better.”

Troy studied him for a moment, then shook his head. “We’ll see.”

Jenny came back with their coffees and Troy raised an eyebrow as Kent poured a copious amount of milk into his cup. 

“It’s a totally reasonable amount of milk,” Kent said. 

“Whatever you say, Parson,” Troy looked down at his own cup. 

Jenny came back with their food and Kent tore into his waffle — after covering it in syrup — but Troy went for the eggs first. 

“Dude,” Kent said through a mouthful of waffle. 

“Gross, Parson.”

“Dude!” Kent swallowed his food. “Try the waffles!”

Troy rolled his eyes but dutifully poured a bit of syrup on his plate and dipped a square of waffle in. As he chewed, his skeptical face dissolved and he closed his eyes.

“Holy shit,” he said after he had swallowed. 

“Right?!” Kent grinned and stuffed another bit of waffle in his mouth. 

“Okay, I give in. They’re good waffles.”

“Best waffles in the world,” Kent said. 

“Close your damn mouth, Parson,” Troy chirped with a small smile. 

~

Troy settled into Kent’s spare room, filled with a constant rotation of rookies and trades and occasionally his little sister, and Kent couldn’t help but hope he stays a while. 

He wanted Troy to settle into the team, do well, make friends, sure, but there was something about Troy that makes him want to hang on just a bit more. 

The first practice Troy joined for, he kept to himself so much that Kent declared team lunch to try to get him to open up. 

They all descended on a diner and Kent, thinking only for a second, settled himself on Troy’s lap.

The team all laughed as Troy blushed, and someone shouted, “you’re officially an Ace now, Swoops!”

Troy didn’t push him off so Kent stayed, focusing on eating and pulling Troy into conversations, instead of the thrill of flirting through lap sitting. 

(He wasn’t always flirting, but he was sometimes, and he definitely was now.)

After lunch, when he and Troy were back in Kent’s car and heading for the apartment, Troy finally asked the question Kent knew he’d been holding back all through lunch. 

“So you actually do that, huh?”

“Hmm?” Kent hummed. 

“You actually sit on your teammates' laps? I kinda figured it was a league rumor.”

Kent chuckled. “Nope, I actually do that. It’s a joke ten years old at this point and I honestly have no idea how it started.”

That was a lie, he knew. He was a young gay man surrounded by a bunch of attractive, athletic men, and he couldn’t help himself. If he turned it into a joke to protect himself? Well, no one could blame him for that.

Troy just nodded. 

“Well,” he said several minutes later when Kent thought he’d dropped the subject altogether. “Thanks, I guess. For including me.”

“Course,” Kent shot him a smile. 

~

Kent found himself on Swoops’ lap a lot over the next few weeks. 

He was sure it was going to get pointed out soon, such a clear preference, but no one said anything. 

Swoops had even started setting a hand on Kent’s back to steady him, seemingly automatically when he sat down. 

An after-game round of drinks at a crowded bar found him once again on Swoops’ lap. 

He’d actually meant not to do it that night. He had scored the winning goal off of Swoops’ assist and they had been asked about their budding bromance in post-game interviews. Best to keep away for the night. 

But there hadn’t been a seat and Kent had been loitering over a table and Swoops had just grabbed his wrist and pulled him into his lap. 

Kent had laughed through his blush, thankful for the low light in the bar.

“Say cheese, Cap,” Lenny called, holding his phone up. 

The shutter sounded from Lenny’s phone and the team dissolved into chirps about what an old man he was, “Honestly, who leaves the shutter sound on their iPhone on?” and Kent largely forgot about it. 

If he was focusing a little too much on the heat of Swoops’ thigh through his jeans, who was going to call him on it? 

The next day, though, he remembered all too clearly.

Because Lenny had posted it on Instagram with the caption, “Find someone who looks at you the way Swoops looks at Parser #bromance”.

Kent sprang out of bed and, after finding Swoops’ room empty, headed to the kitchen.

“Hey,” Swoops said quietly. He wouldn’t meet Kent’s eye. This was not good. 

“Hey, man.”

“I’m sorry.”

“What?” Kent blinked. 

“Did you not see it?” Swoops finally looked up.

“I saw it,” Kent confirmed. 

“So, I’m sorry. I look like…” he trailed off. 

Kent pulled out his phone and opened the app again. He looked at the photo, really looked at it, and… Kent himself had a shit-eating grin on his face aimed at Lenny and seemed none the wiser. But Swoops was definitely looking up at him like the sun shines out his ass. 

He was looking at Kent like he was in love.

Kent looked up at the real Swoops, his face dark with a blush, and shook the thought from his head. 

“Seriously, nothing to apologize for,” he said, throwing Swoops an easy smile. “They’re just jealous of our bromance.”

The word cut something inside him, so close to what he hoped for but so incredibly far from it at the same time. 

“Sure,” Swoops said, averting his eyes again. “I made coffee.”

“A god among men,” Kent grinned wider, even though it still felt unnatural on his face, and crossed the kitchen to pour himself a cup. 

~

They got about two hours of peace before PR called Kent. 

“Hey, Annie,” Kent answered, trying to sound calm and collected. “What’s up?”

“I think you know what’s up, Parson. You saw Kyle Leonard’s photo from last night?”

“Oh, yeah, that,” he felt his face fall. This was not going to be a pleasant call, he could tell from her tone. 

“You’re not in trouble, Kent,” she said, voice softening. 

“I’m not?” 

“No, no one is in trouble.”

“How are you gonna spin it, then?”

Annie was one of the few people in Ace management who knew Kent was gay. He had to have someone prepared in case he ever got outed. So this wasn’t a conversation he wanted to be having but at least it was with her.

“No spin required,” she said. “It’s a bromance photo. That’s the angle we’re sticking with.”

“Oh.”

“Is that okay? Is there something else we need to know?”

Kent darted a look at Swoops, settled in the armchair, scrolling through his phone and pretending not to listen. There wasn’t anything else, for all Kent wanted there to be.

“No, nothing else. We can do that.”

“Do you want to tell Troy or do you want me to?”

“I can tell him,” Kent sighed. 

“Cool. You two are gonna get some events added to your calendars, too. Play up the bromance. No need for people to start digging through old photos if they have new ones, eh?”

“You’re a lifesaver, Annie.”

“I know.”

He hung up the call and looked up at Swoops. 

“She mad?”

“Nope,” he said. “They’re gonna book us for some events as a bromance though. Get ready for your social calendar and your media to be filled with me.”

“So they’re just gonna let us… bromance it up?” Swoops asked. 

“That’s the plan.”

“Could be worse.”

Kent nodded and stood. 

He needed to be somewhere else right now. He didn’t know where, but he couldn’t sit here with Swoops making sad eyes at him, wishing for something he would never have.

He wouldn't do that to himself again.

~

Kent threw himself into the bromance PR had built for him. 

He was allowed -- and even encouraged -- to sit on Swoops’ lap. He sat on other teammates and Swoops would make an exaggerated noise of betrayal. They showed up to events together and never left the other’s side. They wore complimentary suits. 

It was everything Kent wanted out of a relationship except that it wasn’t real. It wasn’t even a fake relationship, really. It was just an over-publicized bromance. 

He had wondered when they started leaning into the spectacle if it would dampen his feelings for Swoops, but it seemed to have only made them stronger. At the end of the day, after being “on” for the cameras, the two of them went home together and watched tape or made dinner or any number of other domestic things. 

PR was encouraging them to post photos of their hangouts but this? This was just for Kent. 

He’d wondered, too, if Swoops would get sick of him. But that hadn’t happened either. If anything, he seemed to be opening up more. 

When they collapsed together after a tough game or a flashy event, Swoops relaxed into someone somehow even more attractive. He was soft around the edges, his laugh bubbled up like it surprised him, and he was physical in ways Kent had never been with another teammate. He touched Kent’s arm when he got up to grab them another beer. He rubbed Kent’s feet and wiggled his own toes into Kent’s lap. He ruffled Kent’s hair. 

It was ruining his life. 

“Smile, Parser,” he said one evening, his feet tucked under Kent’s thigh on the couch. Kent looked over and smiled but he knew in a flash it was too soft. Too revealing. 

“Are you gonna post that one?” He asked, begging his voice not to break.

Swoops looked at the photo for a moment then looked up at Kent’s panicked face. 

“No, I think that one I’ll keep to myself.” Kent stared at him a moment before ducking his head, afraid of what he was giving away. 

“Parser?” Swoops asked. “You alright?”

“Mhm,” he hummed, not trusting his voice even more than before. 

“Kent. Look at me?”

Kent tore his eyes away from the floor. 

“I can delete it if you want.”

Kent started. Could Swoops tell he was falling for him from the photo? Was he upset? 

“It’s okay,” Kent murmured. 

“It’s not, clearly. You don’t have to tell me what’s wrong but… I’m here for you, bro. Anything you need.”

Kent shook his head and looked back at the floor. “Who’s being overly earnest, now, huh?” he chirped weakly. 

“I mean it.”

“Okay.”

~

“This okay?” Swoops murmured to him. 

Kent was sitting on his lap again at a bar with the team. He knew his posture was awkward at best but he was hoping Swoops wouldn’t notice. 

Of course he did, though. They’d only known each other for three months but it felt like forever. They both knew each other so well. 

“It’s fine,” Kent whispered back. Swoops’ hand was on his mid-back and the heat of it was driving him wild. 

“Kent,” Swoops said firmly. “If it’s not okay, tell me. I’ll make it work.” 

Kent tried to smile, but it felt more like a grimace and from Swoops’ reaction it looked like one, too.

Swoops nodded, decided, and declared loudly, “Alright Parser, get your ass off me, I gotta pee.” 

Kent forced a laugh and stood, taking Swoops’ seat as he made his way to the bathrooms. 

“You alright, Parse?” Sully asked. 

“Just tired, I guess.” 

“I’m probably gonna head out soon too. See the kids before Gina puts them to bed without me.”

Kent smiled easily at his teammate, grateful for the easy out. 

“Think I might, too.” 

When Swoops approached their table again, Sully stood and began his goodbyes and Kent and Swoops easily latched on. 

As the first cab pulled up, Sully slung an arm around Kent’s shoulders. 

“Get some sleep, Cap. Swoops’ll get you home.”

“I got him,” Swoops confirmed, and Sully slid into the cab with a gruff goodnight.

They grabbed the next one easily and Kent stared out the window at the passing lights, not speaking, as Swoops made small talk with the driver. 

“Come on, bro,” Swoops announced when they pulled up in front of their building. “Let’s get you to bed.”

Kent nodded numbly as Swoops paid and ushered him out and upstairs. 

When they got inside, Kent collapsed onto the couch, closing his eyes and leaning his head back. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Swoops asked quietly. Kent could tell he was nearby but didn’t think he’d sat down. 

“Not really,” Kent mumbled. He knew that Swoops wouldn’t make him talk if he didn’t want to and that somehow made him want to. “But I should.”

“Okay,” he said. 

“This bromance thing is killing me,” Kent exhaled. 

There was silence for a long moment before Swoops spoke. “What do you mean?”

Kent forced his eyes open to look up at his friend. 

“We’re so close all the time, and you keep touching me and —“

“Kent,” Swoops cut him off. “I can stop. We can call it off. Or I can touch you less or anything you need. You are more important than a PR stunt.”

“God, you’re too good,” Kent groaned. “I don’t want it to stop! That’s the problem.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Can you sit? I don’t want to do this looking up at you.” 

Swoops nodded and sat beside Kent, carefully not touching him. 

“All those things are great. They’re so great. I like how soft you are with me and when you touch me casually and when I sit on you and the guys all chirp us but it’s… it’s breaking my heart.”

Swoops’ eyes widened. “What?” he croaked. 

“Look, you’re my friend and my teammate and that’s amazing, but this is too much for me. It’s too close to what I want and it’s going to destroy me.”

Swoops gaped at him. 

“I thought you were straight,” he said finally. 

Kent couldn’t help it. He burst out laughing. 

“You thought I was straight? Jeff, I belt Britney in the shower. Hell, I’m Twitter besties with her. And I’ve had gay rumors following me since juniors!” 

“I don’t listen to rumors and I don’t give a shit about stereotypes. I was just listening to  _ you _ . You said bromance and I… well I’d rather have that than nothing.” 

It was Kent’s turn to gape now. “See what I mean? You’re too good for me.”

“Kent,” Jeff said gently. 

“You thought I was straight,” Kent barked another laugh but then he realized what Jeff’s been saying. 

“You thought I was straight,” he repeated. “That’s why…” he trailed off. 

“Why aren’t you kissing me yet?” Jeff asked. It was phrased like a chirp but the blush on his face betrayed his nerves. 

Kent surged across the space Jeff had left between them and kissed him hard. 

It was awkward at first, coming in too fast, but he pulled back slightly and tilted his head and, ah there it was. 

Jeff’s fingers slid into his hair and he ran his own hands up Jeff’s arms, pulling them flush together. Kent opened his mouth slightly and Jeff followed.

Quickly, so quickly, they lost themselves in each other, Kent perched on Jeff’s lap as always. 

~

“So what are we gonna do about the bromance?” Jeff asked later, both of them naked and shining with sweat in Kent’s bed. 

“I mean, we could just let it be?” Kent offered. “No one would suspect anything, right? And would give us some time to, ya know, figure our shit out.”

“What are we figuring out?” Jeff said, propping himself up on an elbow to look down at Kent. 

Kent shrugged as best he could laying down. “Like, get into the groove of a relationship, I guess?” 

“Yeah?”

“Dude it’s been so long since I was in a relationship, and I don’t think I’ve ever really been in a healthy one. So it’s gonna take some figuring.”

Jeff looked at him for a long moment. “If you’re having second thoughts--”

“No!” Kent sat up, laying a hand on Jeff’s face. “No, no second thoughts.”

He got a small smile and kissed Jeff. “I just don’t want to push us too fast and fuck it up. You’re too important for that.”

“I get that. I guess we could use the time to ourselves. The boys would have a field day.”

“Oh for sure.”

“So we just… bromance in public and romance in private?” Jeff offered, running his thumb over Kent’s hand. 

“I don’t know if there’s much difference really. I’m just not gonna kiss you in front of the guys. I will still be romancing the shit out of you.”

“I think I can live with that,” Jeff smiled. 

~

They fell into their romance even easier than they had fallen into the bromance. 

By the end of the first week, Jeff had moved his things into the master bedroom. Each day, they woke each other with soft kisses, made each other breakfast, and then drove together to the rink. 

In front of the boys, they barely restrained themselves at all. Kent continued sitting on Jeff’s lap of course, and Jeff continued messing up his blond curls whenever he had the chance. They cellied hard and then they went home and celebrated harder. 

By the time the playoffs started, they had slowly upped their bromance to the point that any hetero couple would have been obvious. 

“Thank god for heteronormativity, huh?” Jeff chirped later that night after Kent had accidentally kissed his temple getting up to go to the bathroom at the post-game celebration that night. 

The team had chirped them for taking the bromance too far, completely oblivious, but Kent had panicked. 

“Thank god for your quick thinking,” Kent grumbled. He’d frozen on the spot, but Jeff had grabbed his face theatrically and planted a giant, smacking kiss on Kent’s forehead then smacked his ass and sent him to the bathroom. 

He’d taken a few minutes to cool off and by the time he got back they had moved on. 

“Babe,” Jeff said softly. “It’s alright. They didn’t catch on. We’re good.”

“I know. I just…”

Jeff waited for him to finish his thought but he couldn’t get the words out. 

“Do you want to tell the team?” Jeff asked at last. 

“Maybe? Not during playoffs though.”

“Always a captain,” Jeff chirped. 

Kent shut him up with a kiss. 

~

Playoffs ended without fanfare. 

The summer passed pleasantly, Kent and Jeff cozy in their apartment, when not taking trips to visit Kent’s or Jeff’s family or once just sight-seeing. 

Still, none of the team suspected. 

“We should tell them,” Kent said one day, watching TV with Jeff’s head in his lap, fingers in his boyfriend’s hair. 

“If they haven’t figured it out yet, they’re dumber than they look,” Jeff mumbled, jelly under Kent’s fingers. 

“Well, yes. But we should tell them. Before the season starts.”

“Yeah?” Jeff sat up. “You want to?”

“I do. Jeff,” Kent took his hand, “I love you. I know we don’t want to be out but our team should know. They’re our family, too.”

Jeff’s parents had loved Kent and his mom and sister had loved Jeff. But it was starting to feel weird that his other family didn’t know about them. 

“You love me?” 

Oh. Kent’s mind caught up to what he had said. 

“Of course I do, Jeff. I took you home to meet my mom. I thought it was obvious?”

“You idiot,” Jeff smiled. “You really couldn’t just use your words for once?”

Kent smiled back, then melted into Jeff’s kiss. 

“I love you, too, you know.”

Kent just kissed him again. 

~

“Yo, Swoops,” Kent called. They were at a barbeque with some of the guys and he tried to stick to nicknames in public. 

“Sup?”Jeff slowed on the walkway, matching his pace. 

“Management wants to know if I’ll take a rookie this year.”

Jeff blinked at him. “Okay?”

“Are you cool with that?”

“Why are you asking me?”

Now it was Kent’s turn to stare. “It’s your apartment, too. And we’d be a lot more obvious.”

“Oh.”

“You don’t have to answer now,” Kent said gently. 

“No, let’s do it. Let’s take in a baby rookie.”

Kent grinned at him and Jeff knocked his shoulder, a public display of affection they could get away with. 

“Yo Parser!” Woody called. 

“What’s up, Woods?” Kent shot a final grin at Jeff and wandered over to where Ben Woodson stood at the grill. 

“Hear you’re taking on a rookie this year!”

“Damn, word gets around fast.”

“That mean you’re finally kicking out Swoops?”

Kent turned back to Jeff and raised an eyebrow at his boyfriend. Jeff smiled and gave a single, decisive nod.

“Nah,” he told Woody. 

“Thought you only had one spare room?”

“Yeah well, but it would be pretty weird if my boyfriend slept in the guest room, don’t you think?”

The team and families fell silent. 

Kent turned back to Jeff, who had turned pink. He held out a hand and Jeff took the last step between them and took it. 

The backyard erupted in shouts and suddenly the entire team was crowding around them, slapping both of them on the backs and screaming. 

Through it all, Jeff held tight to his hand.

**Author's Note:**

> I’m on tumblr at willdexpoindexter


End file.
